The group’s name itself leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. Ampalaya in English is called “bitter melon.” But ampalaya is the best friend of diabetics especially when blended with four other greens (green apple, green pepper, cucumber and celery…add artificial sugar to taste) because it helps lower if not totally control blood sugar.

Using the word “anonymous” after ampalaya is a misnomer because the group’s members are known to be showbiz insiders and watchers…why not, when the members parade themselves on national television!…unlike those of Alcoholics Anonymous whose members’ identities are strictly confidential.

These past few weeks, Ampalaya Anonymous has been…to quote a Funfare reader who frowns on the group’s activity…”naghahasik ng lagim sa industriya” by ganging up on colleagues. One of AA’s “victims” is Pauleen Luna of whom two of AA members are said to be “jealous” and “pissed off” simply because Pauleen caught the attention if not necessarily the affection of the two members’ ex-boyfriends. “Kasalanan ba ni Pauleen kung mas mahaba ang buhok n’ya kaysa sa kanila?” another reader comes to Pauleen’s defense.

It’s as clear as a summer day that AA is creating divisiveness and animosity in the industry instead of fostering and strengthening friendship which is what the industry needs. To paraphrase a song, what the industry needs now is love sweet love…

Funfare readers have been asking me what to do with the Ampalaya Anonymous. Well, I have one suggestion: To settle the score once and for all, why not let them guest on the popular TV5’s Face to Face, touted as “ang kauna-unahang talakserye on local television,” hosted by Tiyang Amy Perez who keeps calm, cool and collected even if her guest-protagonists are kicking each other, hurling invectives at each other, throwing slippers and shoes (and even chairs!) at each other, or clawing at each other’s faces.

Like what happens in every episode of Face to Face, Tiyang Amy should let AA members do the same (pull each other’s hair, too!) to their hearts’ content and when they are through, they should be made to drink tall glasses of ampalaya juice, unsweetened.

Let’s see if they can burp with a straight face.

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